Hi David,
It came across to me that Amherst had a negative influence on her, according to the poem. Either that or you were simply alluding to her reclusive nature, being confined to Amherst (with the implication again being negative, or at least sad).
I definitely agree that it glosses over things. It needs to be developed a lot. I think you could do a bit of research about her own attitude to Amherst and how (if at all) she was involved in the community. I think I read that she did have some involvement, rather than being as reclusive as supposed, although I might be wrong there. I also think some sense of how the people of Amherst viewed her would be great.
I'd love to get a sense of what Amherst was like at this time, but I don't get that from the poem as it is. Even the first result on Google when I search 1850s Amherst sounds promising, so there may well be loads more detail that could make for a fine poem: "In the 1850s, Amherst, Massachusetts was a growing town with a bustling center, particularly on Main Street, a dirt road with horse-drawn carts transporting goods. The town was a mix of farms, factories, and a thriving community with shops and the popular Amherst House inn. Amherst Academy, where Emily Dickinson was a student, emphasized both morality and a broad curriculum, including science, with lectures from Amherst College."
I hope this feedback helps.
All the best,
Trev
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