Alex - five people commented on this poem before you explained what you were up to, and not one was close to the intended meaning. That is not a good sign. (And keep in mind that this is a workshop, where the reader will spend more time on the poem than is normal.) Combine that with the dreadfully overwritten language, and the stretch to make the poem one long sentence, and this one is simply not working. Keep the concept of the cliff diver, make it clear enough so that the reader knows what you're talking about, and get rid of most of the overwritten language and rhyme-forced lines like "as clear zeal blooms in light ordained".
I like the concept of the poem as a single sentence - it works with the image of the diver working his way up the cliff and then launching himself (or herself, I guess - I was in Acapulco in the 60's and it was strictly a guy thing back when) - but it demands much clearer and simpler language.
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