Hi Alex,
Just one thought:
I have no problems with elevated language IF I know where I am to begin. You can leave the poem as is, and it may make sense to some, but if you have a desire to include those of us with a slightly less developed vocabulary in your readership, it would be extremely helpful to just state somewhere early on, perhaps in the title, that we're talking about cliff diving. Understanding that context, I like the poem. Without it, I'm still too lost. The title is really interesting, but is itself something of a riddle, and if you retain the baptism at the end of the poem, I personally think you could replace the title with an even clearer one and the poem still retain enough significance of the baptism.
Take care,
Chelsea
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