Hello, Julie,
Another adept translation—the flow smoothly, with inspired work on meaning, meter, and rhyme.
Still, here are some thoughts on it:
Her face, a flower's tarnished hue of pale
-- ‘sickly’ may be too strong for ‘clorótica’
from deft strokes dipped in strawberry and milk,
emerges from the salient farthingale,
-- ‘puffed-up’ misses the ‘boastful’ nuance of ‘pomposo’ – with salient, double duty might be achieved of ‘puffed-up’ and ‘pompous’
captive in courtly finery of silk.
-- smoother without the possessive, I think.
Her hand--white-amber dreams--descend onto
-- ‘stuff of dreams’ sounds rather prosaic to me
the swooning skirt, designed tulle-stiff,
-- to smooth flow with previous line
and holds the most exquisite handkerchief,
which flows from her astonished eyes of blue.
-- this might fit better with the ‘viene’ action.
. . . . . .
I hope you find something helpful in here… and good luck with this, Julie. It’s coming along great!
Cheers,
…Alex