Thanks for the responses. I am glad to see that the poem is working for some, if not for others. It started by my noticing that the phrase "the nick of time" could have a more sinister meaning than it usually is given. I was focusing on the damage and losses that time invariably inflicts. The word "nick" invoked for me my first encounter with a razor, when I was around five and exploring a medicine cabinet. The resulting gash and scar made me a bit more cautious later on with things I knew nothing about. But I did not suddenly become fearful, because my world did not feel threatening at the time. Once I started to lose people I cared about, I understood the real damage that time could do. In the last stanza I was evoking also the internal losses of control and memory caused by aging.
Yves, the conceit was part of my development of the idea. I was trying to move from the literal razor to metaphorical blades (the shears of the Fates, the scythe of Time). It works or it doesn't for any individual reader.
Max, the gash was startling but not terrifying. No serious damage was done. I like taking a clichéd phrase and giving it a new twist.
Glenn, as I said to Yves, the scythe is metaphorical. I think I chose third-person narration, even though it was based on personal experience, because what I am describing applies to anyone, not just to me. I wasn't necessarily implying dementia in the last line so much as general forgetfulness, loss of senses, etc., that are normal parts of aging.
Hilary, I am glad you could follow the narrative.
Joe, I am glad that you could also follow it. I was torn about "in" or "into" in S2L6. I used "into" because the memories are moving from outside into her head, but I did originally have "in" because it sounded better with the meter.
Roger, I'm glad it worked for you.
Susan
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