Hi Max.
This is delightfully quirky!
Thank you.
If the syntax shifts are desired for any reason other than
They are. Renderings in the vernacular ... hopefully.
"pass right by is what she will" would be more grammatical than the current version.
Hmm. (Still trying it out.) It might even be funnier.
"almost ten to twelve" strikes me as odd (in its mix of looseness and precision), without the charm of the poem's other oddities.
Clock watching.
The other imperfect rhyming doesn't bother this reader, but the misstress of sha-DOW does.
I missed this entirely, thanks.
How about
Out of the blue. For blue the sky was
on that day. At five to noon
a cloud was seen to summit Up Hill
heading towards with its gloom
?
I assume it's one of those across-the-pond things,
It is.
I echo the wish for a better rhyme at the crucial crash/squashed moment.
Still looking. Still drawing a blank. Any suggestions?
I hope some of this is helpful.
Very. Thanks again.
RG.
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