Hello, Jan,
This is evocatively melancholic. And it's not clear what brought about the speaker's misfortunes and isolation. Could the three crows in the first stanza correspond to the losses in the second--of friends, love, and faith? That's a possibility but it's not certain. This is especially so because they're yet given different roles in the closing quatrain (“heaven,” “hell,” and the silent watcher). If you’d like the birds to embody those earlier losses, a nudge of linkage (even a hinting adjective: faithless crow, lover-black crow, etc.) could tighten the symbolic net. Conversely, if you prefer the ambiguity, you might drop a line that acknowledges the speaker’s uncertainty—letting the reader feel it’s unresolved on purpose.
Furthermore, one or two concrete details of place (cold field? derelict back-lot?) would let the reader stand beside the speaker before that “blank eternity” opens.
On the wording--
- "with no one being near to me" sounds somewhat off, and is not quite precise (even if it's clarified in the next line)... It might be better with 'real' or something along those lines instead of 'one'--which also improves the fluidity of the phrase.
- I'm not fond of the twice repeated 'sit[s]' in S3. The second is understood from the earlier detail, and to fill the meter, it could be better as 'keeps', etc. Also, that last sentence reads a bit awkwardly, and could be improved somewhat with a comma after 'silent'.
Good luck with this, Jan! I hope something here helps with honing this already intriguing piece.
Cheers,
...Alex