Thank you all for your comments. A revised version is now posted, which I hope better addresses the critique points indicated.
Glenn:
Glad you enjoyed the poem and like the form I used—it’s a nonce form that came to me as I kept experimenting for the right container for the poem, initially in free verse… but it seemed to demand more architecture! At first, I thought of it as a mirror sonnet, but quickly realized it isn’t. So, I christened it a reverso sonnet… Additionally, I’ve come up with a set of form rules for what constitutes a reverso sonnet. If there’s enough interest—as in others with interest in writing one—I’ll gladly post those rules here! I’ve now looked up Lindon’s poem, “Doppelgänger” you referenced: I can see it’s a true mirror poem, and in free verse!
As to your three readings, I’d say they all fit, though one more than the others—and I’m happy about that as I try to write my poems so there are many layers/depths and multiple readings to them.
Thanks for the close attention to meter—I essentially agree with your analysis, and I’ve tried smoothing those areas in the revision, now posted.
“Unrefined” wasn’t for intended nuance of “common,” even though the dictionary lists it as an alternate meaning. I’d think though that “unrefined” would apply more to character than to “face,” where that nuance wouldn’t apply. No, matter, I’ve tried to tweak it for better precision in the revision.
Jan:
Sorry it wasn’t your cup of tea, but I’m pleased you like the “skill” deployed!
Richard:
Thank you for your detailed critique of the contents, imagery, etc. Your comprehensive pointers of what works and doesn’t for you—especially, ahem, “riptide”—alas, one of my favorite lines in the poem! Anyhow, those pointers were truly informative as to what to tweak for the better—including even the "riptide" ending/opening, and I hope what's revised to is like, ahem, removing a scarlet letter for you! And hopefully, the revision now posted addresses most if not all of your critical points.
I have essentially the same response to you about your “mirror poem” comment as for Glenn above. And I’d add that, I wasn’t aware of “Sliding Doors,” which I Google revealed to be a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow, etc. Thus far, I’ve only read the Wikipedia overview, and who knows, I might yet find time to watch the movie itself someday!
Thanks again to everyone. I hope to hear your thoughts on the revised version now posted.
Cheers,
…Alex
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