Hello, Trevor,
Like Glenn, I found this interesting as a vivid naturalist sketch, but I felt it didn’t yet transcend into the realm of poetry. There's a clear narrative of the hunt and social structure, but I was left wanting a deeper transformation—perhaps metaphor, symbolism, or emotional insight that might draw the reader beyond the narration.
Also, the title set me up to expect something distinctly Tanzanian—which drew me in initially. However, the text lacks regional anchors—no landscape, cultural, or environmental detail to root us there. In fact this could have happened pretty much anywhere.
Still, the clarity and pacing are strengths. I hope to see a revision that leans more into poetic compression or resonance.
Cheers,
…Alex
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