Hi John,
I think this is a nice, interesting snapshot where the tone/language style holds up well throughout. The choices for line breaks were also particularly good, I thought. The only part where I thought a definite change was needed was at the end of the first stanza. The word "amidst" rarely works well in a poem, I think, as it usually sounds very self-consciously poetic, while the reference to thin late-night darkness had a similar effect. Is there anything else that could fit there?
I enjoyed this poem.
Trev
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