Hi Alex,
You set up an interesting scene here, one that feels very allegorical, but it seems to me like you haven't done much with it after that. The end comes quite suddenly. I'd love to see a lot more development before we get to the end.
I hope this feedback helps in some way.
All the best,
Trev
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Pepple
Night Fog
There is a man in the woods
searching in haze for signs
of me.
His kerosene lamp swinging,
he tramples twigs, seedpods,
remnants of wings.
My name slips his tongue.
He walks to the familiar
river, plunges his hand,
splashes his face,
then peers through mist for what flotsam
survived the night
he watched everything
of me drift away.
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