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Revision posted.
I misfired with the previous revision. After hearing responses to the revision I regrouped and waited for the next wave of inspiration, like a surfer does the next swell in a set of swells.I went back to the original and found it: a sinewy swell of a poem that is a short but tense ride.
I am an old surfer, and I sometimes see a comparison between writing poetry and surfing. I like to compare the search for the right line, the right phrase, the right word, the right idea, to the surfer’s search for the right wave. They (waves) come in sets and the key is to be in the right spot and pick the right swell at just the right moment and pursue it in hopes of becoming one with it. Sometimes the wave dies under you. Sometimes it overwhelms you and leaves you behind. But sometimes magic happens and the wave finds you and lifts you onboard and now the only thing left to do is be faithful to it, ride it until it spends itself onshore. Writing poetry is like that. My revision was a missed wave. I’m back on my board again.
Thanks for nudging me, all.
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