Hi Alex,
I like the new version a lot more. It has depth and feels like you have considered/developed the allegory more. It's richer, for sure.
While I have to applaud "asperges", I can't say I understand the intended meaning. That might not matter too much. It depends what other alternatives there are.
I'd remove "now" before "takes". No big deal if it's kept, though.
Nice to see how this developed into a fuller, more enjoyable read.
Well done.
T
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