Hello, Glenn,
This is a well-realized poem and quite moving. The kite works effectively as both narrative device and symbol, with a strong emotional resonance that runs throughout the poem.
Regarding tense usage, I noticed (as did Max) the shift from historical present in the first stanza to past tense afterward. While this creates immediacy initially, perhaps consider revising the last line of the first stanza to create a clearer temporal transition. Alternatively, consider if you want to maintain the historical present throughout, or fully commit to past tense narration, where it’s easier to manage temporal shifts - but this is merely a stylistic preference, not a correction of an error.
In the third stanza, "shouting as it flew into the sky" could be strengthened by clarifying who is shouting - the father or the child? This small detail would enhance the scene's vividness.
The line "I'd have this afternoon after his death / to carry in my heart when he was gone" contains a slight redundancy. While the sentiment is powerful, perhaps revising to reduce the repetition of the father's absence would strengthen the impact. You could find some fresh angle/emotion to replace the redundant material, for instance: “to fill my heart, to fly my kite alone.”
I found the Pentecost connection compelling, with the kite's "seraph's wings" and flame imagery creating a beautiful spiritual dimension. Unlike Alessio's concern, I think the religious symbolism works well metaphorically without needing to align perfectly with biblical narrative.
Max's point about the directness of the father's mortality in the second stanza is worth considering. The physical details ("stolen my father's breath," "smile was thin and drawn") already suggest his condition - you might trust these images to convey what's happening without explicit statement.
These suggestions aside, this is a poignant exploration of memory, loss, and the sacred moments between parent and child.
Cheers,
...Alex
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