Hi, Brian—
Thanks for weighing in.
I agree that the middle two stanzas are weaker than the first and last. I’m considering how I might tighten them up a bit more. I think it’s important to reveal that the father is dying, but I may not need two stanzas to do that.
I made an adjustment to S3L4 to fix the metrical awkwardness you identified.
I appreciate your helpful comments.
Glenn
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