[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Alessio, Roger, Jim, Joe, and David—

Thank you, gentlemen, for your helpful comments.

Alessio—Thanks for coming back. I’m glad you like the revisions.

Roger—I appreciate your encouragement and respect your skill as a poet and translator.
Do you object to “was” in S1L2 because of the passive voice? Your suggestion is metrically elegant, and Jim seconded it, but I’m not sure the two clauses logically belong in the same sentence. I’ll think about revising it, maybe with a semicolon.

Your question about “strings” sent me back to do some research. I was surprised to find that there are dozens of different types of kites with different rigging for one to four strings. The kite in my poem was a simple diamond shaped kite with a tail from a kit and one string held by the flyer. The skin felt like lightly waxed paper, but might have been plastic. I remembered it as having strings attached to each corner connecting to a single string that is played out from a ball wrapped around a stick. I could be wrong about that, though, as I did not find any kites online resembling the one I remembered. Accordingly, I changed “strings” to ”string,” (the one that is played out) even though this roughens the meter two lines later because of the added “a” in “a seraph’s wing.”

Jim—I’m glad you liked this piece and felt the Biblical underpinning.

Joe—Glad it worked for you. I envisioned the sick father as being unable to run fast enough to get the kite aloft, so the boy runs with it into the wind as dad plays out the string. When the boy lets it go, the dad pulls the string taut to get it up and then, when it settles down, he hands the string to the boy.

David—Thanks for the encouragement. The stopping and bowing are the result of the father’s shortness of breath. He leans forward to make it easier to fill his lungs with air. I can’t think of a word other than “bow” that exactly identifies that movement.

Your thoughts and suggestions have been very useful. Again, sincerest thanks.

Glenn