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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
The stopping and bowing are the result of the father’s shortness of breath. He leans forward to make it easier to fill his lungs with air. I can’t think of a word other than “bow” that exactly identifies that movement.
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Now that David brings it up, I, too, think "bows" is not quite right and startles me for a split second into thinking it's a gesture of some sort indicating something other than shortness of breath. I think the one word that best describes that movement is "bends".
I had what might well be an errant thought that you might consider bringing the whole memory into the present tense. There is something very powerful taking place in that first stanza that might be kept ignited by the immediacy of what the present tense would bring to the story. I could be suggesting something that, when it comes down to brass tacks, is ill-advised. Just thought I would put that thought in your head. Shoo it away if you don't agree : )
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