Hi Glenn,
I enjoyed this very simple scene. I think you got across nicely the feeling you want to create, and the form/rhyme generally works well. I particularly enjoyed the diamond/climbed and rhyme. I feel like it's lacking an ending, or maybe the second stanza would be a more suitable ending. What do you think?
Some more specific feedback below.
Best of luck with this.
Trev
The memory of that day is like a diamond. [too vague for me: "The memory - sharp/clear as diamond:"?
My father’s face was filled with loving light. [bold = suggested deletion]
Into the cold[,] and frisky wind we climbed and
found a high expanse to fly our kite. [Anything more interesting than "fly" come to mind? "buffet"? "encourage"?]
The uphill walk [stole his] breath.
He stopped and bowed[,] his smile was thin and drawn.
He knew I’d have this day after his death [how about "He knew I'd always have this day" instead of spelling out the idea of death?]
and hoped I’d have his faith to carry on.
He said I’d need to hold the kite up high [I'd like to see some direct speech here. It feels like you're denying the reader something]
and run until he yelled to let it go.
The wind would lift it far into the sky
to join the angels watching us below.
I watched, impatient, as he tied the string
so securely to the balsa frame.
The red and yellow paper, a seraph’s wing, ["seraph" feels unnecessarily poetic to me in a forced kind of way]
caught air and soared above us like a flame.
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