Hey Glenn,
Thanks for the detailed responses. The link with the Pentecost does make the ending more palatable now. I struggle to connect the face filled with light to the diamond, though. They feel like separate things to me. Good to see you're finding the feedback useful for making changes.
All the best,
Trev
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
Hi, Jim and Trevor—
Thank you both for your thoughtful and generous responses.
Jim—Thanks for sticking with me on this piece. I understand how “bowed” could be jarring, but I am inclined to keep it because it suggests that the father recognizes that the kite flying with his son has a spiritual, almost sacramental significance. His bowing allows him to catch his breath, but also reverences the moment.
The issue of verb tense in this poem is something I’m still thinking through. I’ll take your suggestion under advisement.
Trev—Thanks for the encouragement and the detailed critique.
I sincerely appreciate the time and thought you both put into your comments. Thanks again.
Glenn
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