[Yves S L]

Hello Alessio,

Okay, this is a conversation with Coleridge. Sure, given that context, the rhetoric makes more sense. The opening line is not talking to a lover! I don't know how many readers would create the connection to Coleridge though.

I don't think it makes much sense for you to chase an older English idiom while writing rhyme and meter, because at the moment you are struggling to rhyme convincingly, and the liberties you are taking with normal conventional word order look like expediances making up for lack of technique.