Hi Max,
Yeah, as Hilary outlined in her critique, the inversion of such a verse was done in imitation of how Coleridge, (and most 19th century poets) would write on some occasions.
I can see it as being unnatural as no one would indeed speak like this, do you maybe think I should rewrite this poem in a more, lets say 'contemporary tone?'
Hilary,
For the 7th verse, I have no excuses, apart from the inexcusable fact that I must have been too rigid on myself for following the exact metric scheme and so I just thwarted the use of natural sayings in favour of something I faultily use.
Your comment did help, thank you!
Yves,
I guess the connection could be made by the title of Pantisocracy being his own project, but you're right, apart from that it can be loosely connected to different things.
Could I ask why, specifically, my rhymes are not done convincingly? I have the feeling myself of forcing (sometimes) those words in, but is that the only reason?
I know my question might be a bit annoying, but I'm really looking to see why is it so.
Thanks,
Alessio.
P.S
The first question is directed to all three of you.
