[Chelsea McClellan]

Hi Alessio,

There has been much feedback already, most of which I agreed with, so I will not add to that. I just thought I'd pop in to mention one thing I thought about while reading the most recent version, that I didn't see mentioned yet. And that is, just be careful not to lean on adjectives and adverbs too heavily. Spread the interest out between all types of words... and let the verbs and nouns do some of the work as well! Just something to keep in the back of your mind while you're writing in the future.

(The second half of the poem did not lean as heavily on the adjectives.)


When I can wake to sounds of kin,
And rise to see the radiant vale,
With such demulcent breeze within,
Without the bane of savage gale,

When I can see myself enveloped,
In every morn, by rays of light,
I come to know a sylvan ethos
Wraps your commune in delight.

If I could roam an endless field,
Outstretched aside the Susquehanna,
And build a shed, with rest to yield,
O bless me Coleridge! Let me go!



I look forward to reading your next one.


Take care,
Chelsea