Thank you, Glenn and Hilary, for coming back with further detailed comments and David for adding your thoughts.
Like you, Hilary, I like aspects of each version, and, probably more than you in this case, I want to find a way for the poem to have it all.
It's interesting, Glenn, that the second-person narration opens for you the possibility of a demented parent. I think in an earlier version, at least one other reader felt the first-person narration suggested that.
This variety of possible reactions makes it helpful to hear from a variety of readers, and I'm grateful to those of you who have shared your reactions and thoughts.
|