Hi, Alex—
Your critique was very perceptive and helpful. David had suggested some cuts as well, and I think your idea of looking at the narrative arc was most useful. In the revision, I cut four lines and arranged the stanzas so that the first cut to the heart in S1 that seemed fatal is balanced almost humorously by the painful but much less serious paper cut in S4. The lines I cut include one that you had singled out. I think the cuts tightened the poem and made it a bit less whiny. Thanks for the inspiration.
I reflected while writing this piece on how, in the area of human relationships, we are completely powerless to make other people love us, no matter how loveable we might try to be. Love has to grow according to its own plan, like the plants in a garden. Neither of two lovers can control the other person’s feelings, and only in a limited way can we control our own feelings.
The only real control we have is the power to cut others out of our lives. (Sometimes aided by a restraining order.). Gardeners can’t make plants grow. They can encourage them, restrain them, or try to coerce them by cutting them back, but when the coercion stops, the plants grow where they will. But gardeners can uproot or destroy plants they do not want. That’s why gardeners’ tools are sharp and bladed. I wonder if the Japanese art of Bansai developed from our futile desire to control our relationships with others.
Please excuse the digression. Thanks, as always, for your generous responses to my work.
Glenn
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