Hi Glenn,
The issue for me with the comma is that it makes it (syntactically) unclear which clause "now" applies to, since there's a clause to either side and it's not obviously attached to either. So do I read:
It gave some weight and shape to what had been a premonition, threatening and alarming now, just a paper cut, deep in the skin ...
or
It gave some weight and shape to what had been a premonition, threatening and alarming, now just a paper cut, deep in the skin ...
Which have quite different meanings. I guess if you want to keep the comma, maybe you can clearly detach "now" from one of the clauses? Maybe:
It gave some weight and shape to what had been
a premonition, threatening and alarming—
now, just a paper cut, deep in the skin,
Anyway, I guess all I really can say is it's not working for me as it is. But people do approach punctuation differently.
Best,
Matt
Last edited by Matt Q; 05-19-2025 at 04:55 PM.
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