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Hi Alex.
This is a lot of fun to read.
Thanks.
with each stanza presenting a new character's response filtered through their professional perspective.
Technically, two characters per stanza (except for the Mayoress.)
Still, the meter seems somewhat rough overall and could bear some smoothing here and there.
If you could point out some of the more abrasive parts (it's a bit wood for the trees for me at the minute.)
If I have a quibble, it's that the poem might benefit from some selective pruning.
Yes. I was hoping to solicit feedback on which bits could be cut and lo ...
While the accumulation of perspectives builds the comedic effect, perhaps the stanzas with the muezzin, nightwatchman, and veterinarian could be removed without losing the overall impact.
The only difficulty is that every profession is paired with another, to lose one is to lose both. But ...
no reason not to be brutal.
I'd be loathe to ditch the muezzin though (given the presence of a mohel and vicar it would be a bit of a snub.)
Hi Chelsea.
had to push myself to get through at some point in the middle. It just went on too long for me.
No problem. And thanks for the effort. If you have any suggestions as to which parts/professions can be dispensed with that would be very helpful.
Hi Joe.
I can see how you got carried away with it.
Yeah. It was partly because I wanted a crowd scene, and then there was the challenge of never using the verb 'to say' (or conjugations thereof.)
Do you have a tune in mind to sing it to?
That never occurred to me. Do you?
Thanks all.
RG
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