[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Alessio—

A rollicking soldier’s ballad—fun to read! The moral seems to be that alcohol can be used to encourage men to risk life and limb when mere honor and patriotism are not enough.

A couple of grammatical nits:

1. In English, the perfect tenses require the past participle (third principal part). In S5L1 you need to replace “took” with “taken.” Since this throws your meter off, you could just use the simple past: We drunken slobs all took our place. (Note “Us” > “We”).
Similarly in S9L1 you need to change “rose” to “risen.” For some reason this doesn’t seem to hurt the meter.

2. In S6L2 and S7L3 you need to add “of” after “out:”
When out of the trench we jumped. (or When from the trench we jumped.)
With bones protruding out of our skin. (or With bones protruding from our skin.)

Hope this is helpful.

Glenn