Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Goodman
I agree that the poetry here is in the title. And the current one feels strong. Waking, eating, and sleeping aren't usually done with any goal in mind, toward any end, but, of course, they do inevitably move us toward our ends, our deaths.
Would a single stanza make the point more strongly?
It wouldn't, I think, make it any less strongly. And the shorter the poem, the more likely a reader is to focus on the title. Piet Hien's Grooks come to mind as operating similarly. [Having looked at some of my favorites, I see that the Grooks probably don't give a helpful model. I'll leave the observation here, though. A brief poem whose meaning/poetry is primarily in the title feels like a genre I recognize--even if the Grooks aren't it-- and the briefer such a poem, the better/clearer.]
I don't agree that Duggan's poem has a narrower focus, or that Dolly Parton's song covers Duggan's ground. Seems to me the song focusses narrowly on one aspect of the work world while both poems explore a general meaninglessness of life.
FWIW.
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Hi Max,
First of all, you are right about the Dolly/Dugan poems. I over-quickly drew a comparison between them based on my memory of the nine-to-five song without actually looking at the lyrics. Dolly's song seems more about the frustrations of getting things accomplished when others get in the way and in having to do so without getting a fair wage for all the trouble and effort. Dugan's poem seems more about the drudgery but necessity of work for the sake of weekend time with the family. I still do think both are fairly narrowly focused, which is a good thing. My piece on the other hand is wide open to interpretation. As we agree, I can hint to the reader what direction to take by the title I choose. I think the main thing to take away from most of the comments, is that this doesn't appeal generally to most readers. The truth may be that this was just a self-shove to motivate me to get out of the lethargy I've been feeling lately. I do think Glenn's comment is worth a read by everybody in its take on this kind of attempt at a bare bones poem. Thanks much for the thoughtful take you give.
Jim