[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Max,

Your poem captures a liminal moment quite well. The movement from "darkness into light" suggests a transition from death (or near-death) toward hope and renewal, but the subsequent shift into the hospital corridor—with its white walls, gurney, and voices—grounds us in stark reality. This seems to describe a near-death experience, perhaps where monitors briefly flatlined before life resumed.

What's particularly striking is how the speaker travels with the souls initially, sharing their momentum, but becomes separated at the crucial moment. The line "Too old, now, to be born" resonates well—it's not merely about physical age but suggests someone who has lived too fully to start anew, creating a poignant explanation for why they cannot follow the souls to their rebirth.

The ending creates a good circular structure. "Drift away... toward other rooms" mirrors the opening's movement but stripped of the souls' excitement and destination. This reinforces the speaker's state of suspension—neither dying nor being reborn, but existing in a kind of eternal corridor. The poem works on multiple levels: the literal (a near-death experience in a hospital) and the metaphorical (the passageway between death and rebirth).

If there's room for development, it might be in exploring the emotional texture of this limbo state more fully—what does it mean to be "too old to be born" yet unable to complete the journey the other souls are making?

Strong work here, Max. The poem's restraint serves its subject well.

Cheers,
...Alex