Hi Hilary - just to concentrate on one aspect of the poem, I think the rhyming is very good throughout, but really shines in part one. In fact, part two seems a bit dull and conventional (although that might be an effect cunningly achieved on your part, mirroring the two aspects of the relationship) compared with the easy skill of part one.
I'd quite like to see part two redone in the same style as part one. Is that unreasonable of me? (Probably.)
Cheers
David
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