Thanks for commenting, James. It's helpful to know your initial reaction and your response now. I wonder whether other readers noticed the sun/star parallel. Maybe you are correct that it needs to be more overt, though I am not sure at the moment how to emphasize the sun more. I will think.
I sensed when I was writing it that the whole second part was a risk, and I wondered if it tiptoed too close to sentimentality and cliche. I'm still not sure.
|