Hi David. Yes a triolet of sorts. But with half rhymes and some broken format rules.
I was going for mostly anapests and the "mirror" rhyme lines in tetrameter and the "ise" rhyme lines in trimeter.
I can see that I didn't quite succeed and have tweaked it a little to try to fix it.
L6 is a little awkward. I was trying to say that the N's vanity is in refusing to accept the evidence of their aging and choosing instead to avoid looking at it. I have also tweaked this line by replacing "despise" with "surprise" which I like much better. So thanks for that.
Joe
Cross-posted with you Hilary. Some of the changes may answer the problems you saw. But I will get back to you.
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