[Matt Q]

Hi Joe,

I like the idea here. It's just a question of how best to tighten things up. I also like the idea of triolet in ballad metre a fair bit. I wonder if you've moving to tet just because of L2? Maybe it's worth putting more time into seeing if you can get the ballad metre to work?

In the first line (and its repetition) it strikes me that "at myself" is somewhat redundant, and maybe pads the line a little.

I try not to look in the mirror / at that face that I don't recognise

seems to say the same thing. So maybe there's a better use for that foot? (Or maybe you can even get the whole thing in trimeter?)

I prefer "best to ignore than despise" to "best to ignore than probe or surprise". I'm not sure how he can surprise the cracks wanting filler. I guess the idea is that he startles them, comes on them suddenly?

In the last line of the revisions "can not" rather than "cannot" seems a little odd. And actually, that line seems to be pentameter:

aVOIDing that FACE. i CAN not MEET its EYES.

I guess one might stress "not" instead. Still, wouldn't "can't" work?

best,

Matt