Thanks, Glenn and Alessio for your close attention to the poem. A revision is up now, and hopefully, is an improvement.
Glenn, while the indents honors rhyme pairs, its primary motivation is shape (poem) mimetic of the clusters. I was somewhat surprised at your take on the initial lines of setting, and then on closer inspection, I realized that there were some tense mismatches that might have brought that assessment about. Now, the tense has been corrected throughout. Also, some metrical tweaks have also been applied—thanks for pointing that out.
Alessio, thanks for analysis and take. While that’s a surprising reading for me, I can also see how you arrived at it. Hopefully, the edits provide a bit more clarity to the poem.
Again thank you both for looking in, and hopefully, the new version is an improvement!
Cheers,
…Alex
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