[Alessio Boni]

Hi Matt,

Thanks for the corrections. You share a similar opinion with Hilary, although you seem to be more fond of the metaphor I used. Some of the corrections you proposed have been applied, as per Glenn's help, and I hope the revised version is less distanced from the 'feel' compared to the first, although it still does include some 'faux archaisms'.

To be specifically considered 'Fake' would it just entail the mixture of occasional old words in the verse with others words and phrase formats that were not used then, or is there another criteria?

Cheers,

Alessio


Hi Hilary,

Thanks for your opinion regarding the piece. It could be considered 'common.'

Why do you include conceit in your critique? I don't see much pride in the narrator's recitation of events, nor in the way the poem is written, or maybe I'm just misunderstanding your comment.

Cheers,

Alessio.


Hi Glenn,

I like Sepulchral, but then wouldn't it just be a synonym for Charnel? I don't mean to be difficult but sepulchral could also insinuate a rotten smell per its meaning, so wouldn't it be the same either way? I guess maybe it is more gloomy in an ethereal sense compared to a physical one (charnel).

I included the word corpse to showcase the degradation of the body no longer controlled by the narrator, being hauled everywhere by the lover, but if that wasn't clear by its usage then maybe I should change it.

Thanks for the encouragement in the revision!!! I think I'll be polishing S1 shortly.

Cheers,

Alessio!

P.S

Hilary, I didn't know about the definition of Conceit in the way you use it. It's clear now. Scratch that question of mine.