Hi Alex,
this version is even better.
I think so, though I'm not sure about 'hazed light' (and vows now you mention it. Oh, you didn't? Just me then.)
Still not sold on the placement of delight/bite.
How about ...
Here glows what ancients deemed divine.
Barefoot in wine dance, maidens pressed
the vintage. Gods and mortals blessed
this fruit, from Olympian feast
to corner market, west to east.
Your teeth shall pierce the plump delight,
your tongue will purple bite by bite,
across your lips in springtime rush
when vows refresh your lipstick’s blush
the same dark juice that quickened blood
in pharaohs will flow like a flood
RG
|