how about we just start with the first two stanzas of the first poem, "Origami". i realize that i may have been a bit too quick-spoken. i mean i have trouble with meter, so maybe it is my reading of it. either way, this can only help me better understand meter.
the KIDS are GOOD at this. their NIMble FINGers
DOUBle and FOLD and DOUBle FOLD the PAGes,
MAKing MIMetic Icons for ALL Ages.
the FLOOR of the SCHOOL is LITTered with DEAD RINGers:
see, i don't know if i'm reading it right. i'm looking and the only reason i would put any stress on 'this' is because it falls into the right spot in the meter, but then wouldn't that make 'their' just as important? if you stress the one wouldn't you stress the other? but that really isn't something i'd quibble over, something i'd like to hear your opinion on. i've had that question when trying to write in meter. that's three unstressed in a row. and i know that is a problem i had in a recent sonnet. it's the second stanza that just loses me completely.
SONGBIRDS that REALly FLAP their WINGS, RARE CRANES,
BLEACHED bonSAI TREES, PALE GHOULS, TWO kinds of HATS,
DWARF STARS, WHITE ROSes, PERsian COPyCATS,
SMALL PACKet BOATS, WHOLE FLEETS of FLYable PLANES.
i figure the way that those who have mastered meter go on about him, that it's got to be more metrical than the way i read it. so maybe i need help in learning how to read and hear meter better. in the first line is that pesky that and their again. this time they work out right, but if i stress it in the first stanza, wouldn't i stress it here? and how am i to decide whether song or bird gets the stress. just by placement in the line? and right there at the end of the first line, i don't understand why you wouldn't put any stress on rare. line two seems to be stressed from start to finish (i had to look up bonsai, since whenever i hear the word i only hear mr. myagi screaming, bonSAI!, turns out either gets the stress). in fact, i sort of wanted to put some emphais on kinds as well. what doesn't get stressed? how do you decide? placement in the line seems to be it, but then you are throwing away the natural stresses in language and forcing it to fit a predetermined pattern. it's a problem i had throughout the book.
it's things like this that get me all confused about meter. i'm asking an honest question here. i don't understand. so please lets remember that i'm just a student, new to this. i'm really trying to learn.
i read the double exposures, really a clever idea. and i can see how difficult that would be to write successfully.
jason
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