[Michael Cantor]

Roger Slater wrote:

Originally posted by Roger Slater:
[b]CRITIQUE

I like this very much, but you should cut
everything that follows stanza three,
maybe change the second yet to but,
eliminate that pompous royal we,
then think about the meter. Are you sure
those anapests you favor don't produce
a sort of sing-song bounciness that pure
iambic verse could banish or reduce?

You might just try this as a villanelle,
or better yet, a series of haikus.
Remember, poet: always show, don't tell.
And there's a ton of padding here I'd lose.

I've seen your other work and thus surmise
this poem will turn out fine once you revise.

Which I thought was quite wonderful. But nobody will ever see it, because it was buried by a space-consuming (and increasingly juvenile) doggerel food fight. So I'm bringing it back.

[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited May 04, 2002).]