PREAMBLE
Carol, I believe I've spotted where
the rhyme repeated, didn't really rhyme,
and so I wrote a fix. For those who care
to let me further waste their precious time,
I'm posting here a dutiful revision
wherein it can be stated as a fact
my clumsy rhymes are mated with precision:
though uninspired, they are now exact.
I thank you so much for your high opinion,
and Michael's too. You both are far too kind.
I know who rules the roost -- I'm just a minion--
so when the Duchess praises me I find
her compliments can serve to make me feel good
(although I know my poems are far from real good).
CRITIQUE
I like this very much, but you should cut
everything that follows stanza three,
maybe change the second yet to but,
eliminate that pompous royal we,
then think about the meter. Are you sure
those anapests you favor don't create
a sort of sing-song bounciness that pure
iambic verse could help you mitigate?
You might just try this as a villanelle,
or better yet, a series of haikus.
Remember, poet: always show, don't tell.
And there's a ton of padding here I'd lose.
I've seen your other work and thus surmise
this poem will turn out great --once you revise.
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