Kate, shouldn't it be "I stink, therefore I am?" Or in Latin, "Fogito, ergo sum"?
I'll cheat, since the subject of my poem isn't myself, but I have the subject's permission to post it so I'm not worried about a libel suit.
Bob Sale is one of the few (but proud!) dads who attend our weekly park day (i.e., recess). He homeschools his kids by day while his wife works, and he's the drummer in
Eve Selis ' roadhouse rock band by night.
At the time I wrote this, there had been several complaints about Bob's sidesplittingly funny "chitchat" postings and smart-aleck comments being posted to our local homeschooling e-list, because the volume of posts was making it hard for some people to sift through to the serious posts about field trips, etc. These complaints then sparked dozens of posts expressing appreciation for Bob's unique sense of humor, and advising the naysayers that they should just delete anything from Bob without reading it.
That flurry had just died down when Bob cautiously posted the Lear poem for discussion. I couldn't resist responding with this:
How pleasant to know Mr. Sale,
A solipsist extraordinaire!
He's uncompromisingly male.
He's mourning the loss of his hair.
His posts are off-topic and comic.
Attempts to dissuade him fall flat.
Political or economic
Discussions devolve into chat.
His arguments often are specious,
But no one can say that they're trite.
His tone's almost always facetious.
He thinks he's a wit. He's half right.
His dignity's somewhat precarious.
His posts with riposts are replete,
But if they get too deleterious
To sanity, just hit "Delete".
The genial say, "Who's this genius?"
While others respond, "Who's this jerk?"
But even the downright venenous
Admit the man's some piece of work.
Of course, a professional drummer
Contributes his own unique riff.
Without him, our group would be glummer,
Though sometimes his volume may miff.
He's henpecked by homeschooling mommies.
His keyboard's employed to impale
Arcana from commas to Commies.
How pleasant to know Mr. Sale!
* Yes, I know I've mangled the pronunciation of "venenous", which is supposed to have two short e's and a stress on the first syllable.
Julie Stoner
[This message has been edited by Julie Stoner (edited March 26, 2004).]