So far I give the prize
To tofu, prince of lies.
Gourmet’s Delight
As I thumbed through the menu at Maxim’s
And sipped a Martini the while,
I noticed a spare waiter scratching
His bottom, without shame or guile.
He scratched and I tried to ignore him,
I focused my mind on the page;
He did it again, still I bore him;
then again, and I got in a rage.
I spoke — I’m not one who avoids
a dispute (I was clenching my fist):
“Do you have,” I inquired, “Haemorrhoids?”
Said the waiter “Just what’s on the list.”
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