Dear Dougsie,
Thank you for the time you spent on your review of my villanelle, "Wolves Eat Fairies, Don't They?: A Villanelle." And no, I don't think you were being harsh at all. Please don't apologize, for that is what I am here for!
I am intrigued by your point about making the repetends consistent. I guess you mean they should use the same words in each one?
I will have to think that over! I have seen many successful villanelles, which I have patterned this one after, and some of them have had consistent repetends. But perhaps you are familiar with the 20th-century poet Elizabeth Bishop? Well, if you aren't, you should check her out, she is very loose with form, not like that drunk Dylan Thomas. I think he's very over rated and I don't want my villanelle to be compared to his, so I have decided to vary my repetends, but I will have to think about your point. Thanks!
I also have to think about your point about "cliched" language. I am not arguing but I think that I am using the phrases you quoted "ironically." Except for the part you objected to which says "the proof is in the pudding," that is an allusion, maybe you didn't get it?
Oh well, can't please them all! I have thought about this a lot and I think one man's cliche is another man's classic and all of these are in the eye of the beholder. Thanks!
I think you make a good point about the meter, except it is not supposed to be iambic tetrameter like so many poems here, it is supposed to be loose dactyllic, because I am a big fan of the great ancient blind Greek poet Homer. Maybe you didn't get that either?
I will have to think about what you said about making the meter "detectable" because I've thought about it a lot and I have discovered that all art aspires to the condition of music. With that in mind, I am working on a revision which is more musical. Here is the new first stanza, I have made the new repetends bold:
' - - | ' - - | ' - - | ' - - | ' - -
' - - | ' - - | ' - - | ' - - | ' - -
' - - | ' - - | ' ' - | - ' | ' - -
I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the substitutions in L3, anyone have any ideas?
Dougsie, if I figure out how to make a sound recording after the piano tuner comes by I will post it here and see what you think. Thanks again for your time!
Love,
Sheila Reseda
[This message has been edited by Clay Stockton (edited June 30, 2006).]