Dougsie, I appreciate your suggestion to change "the" to "a," and while I understand your reasoning, that would make for a different poem. Perhaps a better poem, but not the one I've written.
Also thanks for expressing the opinion that Chronicle of My Formative Years doesn't fit the sonnet form and that I should drop the couplet altogether. I have given some thought to your contention that I am trying to cover too much ground, but all of the traumatic experiences have a direct bearing on the poem and I can't think which of them I could afford to leave out. I believe most people can follow the logic and won't have any trouble figuring out the syntax in the lines:
potty-trained at half past three
wheeler turned over scraped my knee.
Again, I do appreciate your time and effort, Dougsie, and I will print out your comments and consider them carefully if I decide to revise. I should warn you that I revise very slowly, however, so I may not get around to posting the revision for a few months.
|