Quote:
Originally posted by Frank Hubeny:
Past and Later
The past
Still lingers on
Although it all is gone
Except for thoughts that linger on
In me.
What will
Be who can tell?
Some heaven or some hell?
Though more of what has been is all
I see.
|
Frank,
I know you can find something besides 'linger' so as not to use it twice in such a short poem. I want L3 to be re-arranged thusly, "Although it IS ALL gone" rather than "it ALL IS". But that may not sound as natural to you as it does to me. Perhaps IT, is the problem, because ALL IS GONE sounds fine to me unless you put IT after ALL. Now I've twisted all our tongues!
On the 2nd Cinquain - I get it, but find it lacking in hope, which seems essential to life. Perhaps if you add a third, some hope will resurface.
Anne