Someone's probably mentioned
"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" already, right? It makes most of ours look like pie and ice cream.
Editing in: OMG, thank you for that Clive James poem! Now that is deliciously cackle-worthy!
Here's an old attempt of mine.
The Difference Between You and a Snake
The rattlesnake who wriggles in the heat of the Mojave,
pressed flat against its floor as he goes foraging for eggs,
doesn’t knowingly act lowly, or stoop before the snobby.
He only crawls because he has no legs.
The Congolese constrictor, whose appetites addict her,
balloons about the belly when she swallows a gazelle.
She resorts to self-inflation so starvation won't afflict her.
It isn't just hot air that makes her swell.
The adder of South Africa who puffs when he is peeved,
inelegantly lashing at whatever's in his path,
is frightened for his life and justifiably aggrieved.
There really is a reason for his wrath.
The cobra coyly coiling in the shade in southern Asia,
could kill a hapless human with a single bitter bite.
Though he oh-so-shyly sidles with a stealth that would amaze ya,
he has no cause to fear an honest fight.
[This message has been edited by Rose Kelleher (edited December 02, 2008).]