Chris, to the best of my recollection I did not remark on that rhyme during the discussion of your poem. Though I used to rhyme more strictly, I have employed slant rhyme a great deal in recent years and I've had much opportunity to think about it. I suspect some of your readers balked at your rhyme in that "one" instance because you were taking two liberties simultaneously: slant rhyme, and rhyme onto an unstressed syllable. Most speakers pronounce a word like "division" with the final syllable sounding closer to "in" than "-un." This is probably too long a stretch in a sonnet, where the formal expectations are especially high. If you were using a looser pattern of rhyme, all slant, with some of the rhymes quite distant, "one" might not have jumped off the page in quite such an exceptionable way.
Alan Sullivan
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