Hi Rhina
First I must say you couldn't possibly have enjoyed the crosstown taxi more than I did! Such serendipity...I still love your line which included the words "I" and "remember." [Sorry folks, the joke is private but suffice it to say Rhina is a witty lady in person!] I'll be sending you an email soon to recap, so don't block my emails just yet.
About L3: Yes I understood your meaning perfectly, and a very fine point it is! That the subjunctive (as in "if it were, should it be, then it would or could" and so on) is the friend of age and wisdom, whereas the indicative is tailormade for youth and spontaneity. Quite true indeed.
I simply meant that in the best of all possible worlds, "has slipped away" would have come at the end of the sentence and "that seemed to say it all once" would be set off with commas. But forgive this annoying intrusion please: it's a poem and your poetic license carries full validity! Not to mention that Clive Watkins liberated the nit happily and with great finesse just before your post.
Rhina, you're a dream and an inspiration, and I mean that in the best possible sense!
Terese