Very carefully contrived, but I am stopped briefly by "say/act and remembrance." The relationship between the verb and the two nouns is just not clear to me, and I feel troubled by this, in a poem using grammar as its principal trope. Italics would not really solve the problem.
The beginning is fine, and the ending superb, but l. 4&5 detract somewhat from the overall effect, at least for me.
A.S.
|