Inmalleable must be a typo for unmalleable. Of course you can't scan the lines as accentual-syllablic meter, since they have three adjacent unaccented syllables in most of the lines. But as accentual verse it has its own imperfect rhythm, created by the recurring hypersyllables. If you do anything over and over long enough you form a pattern or rhythm. In my opinion the rhythm is spoiled by the fact that the two stanzas don't match, the second having dimeter 4th and 8th lines while the first has trimeter lines in the same position.
To tame this shrew, I'd suggest either making the 4th and 8th lines of the first stanza dimeter in order to create a pattern with the second stanza, or else making the 4th line of the second stanza trimeter and leaving the final line as dimeter for effect, a sudden break from pattern. The effect is diluted by the earlier short line.
Carol
|