Bob, you describe the writing process just as it has seemed to me, though I can't claim to have an ear that's very superior. After you, Tim, referred me back to my own poems in the New Formalist e-book, I started looking through that batch and some others among my papers, to see whether I could find a sufficiently clear example of a struggle between rhythm and meter.
What I have found is a sestet I had almost forgotten in which there are two or three lines I can't seem to scan with my usual methods, but which, nevertheless, sound exactly right to me.
But I'm still not sure this is what either of you mean.
Age and Sleep
Sleep, old man, in your recliner, dreaming, at peace.
In your rumbling dreams we cannot guess where you go.
Does your long nap give you forgetfulness and ease,
Or is it a movie where only you see the show?
A room where a perfumed teacher touches your hand?
Or somewhere we've never been and would not understand?
The first and third lines are the ones that sound right to me but don't seem to yield to a regular metrical scan -- possibly the second line as well.
Am I on the right path toward understanding your idea?
G.
[This message has been edited by Golias (edited January 07, 2003).]
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